By Jessica Whitehouse
The other day, my teenager came into my bedroom proudly displaying a parallel line she shaved into her eyebrow, dubbed, the eyebrow slit. My immediate thought was, “Why would you do that to your beautiful face??” and tried to justify my mom rationale to her as to why this was not a good decision. The answer to her “why” is essentially the teenage explanation of, “Because it’s cool!” (though this coolness factor may only be realized by teenagers). Hence, I was not amused and even more disappointed that, she is maintaining social distance, I could not blame her poor decision on her friends. Nope, this poor choice was all her idea (and probably the result of watching some TikTok video, of course). In honor of this teenagerly occasion, I wrote this poem to the tune of a Dr. Seuss rhyme.
Ode to the Eyebrow Slit
I do not like your eyebrow slit.
I do not like it.
No not one bit.
If you think to do it again,
You will not get to see your friends.
Cool mom or not, you should be warned,
I grew up on Vanilla Ice before you were born.
And yes, as teens we made poor decisions in hindsight.
A few I’m sure kept my parents up at night.
But do as I say.
Not as I did.
And please, do not do that again.
Love, Mom
P.S. Get a tattoo when you turn 18 and I’ll kill you.
Word to your momma.
I know in the long run of teenage scenarios, an eyebrow slit is not a big deal. Eyebrow hair will grow back, and the planet will continue rotating on its axis (unless falling off its axis becomes our next global pandemic; entirely possible).
Speaking of global pandemics and decisions, this month the hot topic among parents, teachers, students, administrators, and everyone in between, is the looming question, “What are you going to do with your kids?” when it comes to sending them back to school. The decision is creating a lot of stress as we all scramble to figure out what our “new normal” school year will look like.
For our family, it was also a hard decision. My husband and I both work full-time away from the home so for our little energizer bunny 9-year-old (who needs the one-on-one learning and structure that school brings with it), the decision to send her back face-to-face was necessary. For her. For us. For our sanity. For world peace. In all honesty, we do not have the time, patience, and most importantly – the talent – our amazing teachers have.
On the other hand, our 13-year-old daughter has a medical condition that puts her in the high-risk category. While she did very well managing her school work when things went virtual at the end of last school year, the last few months of quarantine life have been hard on her, being the extroverted, social butterfly who loves being surrounded by her friends and people.
But as a parent who almost lost this child once (and somewhat recently), it really puts things into perspective when it comes to facing these scenarios, as COVID-19 could potentially be another life-or-death situation for her. The discussion between the options of all virtual learning, hybrid learning (in-class and online), or face-to-face learning have been filled with much parental and teenage angst. Our conversation about which option to choose started out as rational, but quickly morphed into humorous teenage logic:
Teen: “What about Beyoncé?”
Me: <puzzled look> “Um, I don’t know…what about Beyoncé?”
Teen: “What if she comes to school on a day I’m not there?”
Me: “Let me get this straight…you are concerned that world-famous singer Beyoncé, is going to come to your 8th-grade classroom on a day that you aren’t there?”
Teen: <Nodding head>
Me: “So really, you are just suffering from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) on something that isn’t likely to happen, but heaven forbid you aren’t there if it does happen?”
Teen: “Yes.”
Me: “I see…” <Insert that emoji of the person with their hand over their face> I will contact Beyoncé’s people to make sure they only send Beyoncé on a day you are there.”
This only seemed to pacify the teen for a few moments as she pondered whether I would really get in contact with Beyoncé’s “peeps.” A few days later with the decision clock is ticking, the teenager has now turned into Sasha Fierce (Beyoncé’s self-claimed alter ego) leaving me to wonder if Beyoncé and Jay-Z are sitting around their kitchen table lamenting whether to send Blue Ivy to school next year. Or perhaps they are pouring over their busy schedule discussing what day they can squeeze in a quick trip to Florida to visit a particular 8th grader’s classroom. Was Rob Van Winkle, aka Vanilla Ice, aka, king of the eyebrow slit, aka voice behind the legendary song “Ice Ice Baby,” really wise in 1989 when he advised us to “Collaborate and listen”?
Famous or not, I do know one thing we can agree on. Parenting is tough.
In the end, our family chooses the hybrid learning option for our teenager as it will hopefully provide the best of both worlds and keep her a little safer. Although she wasn’t happy with our decision, after a long heart-to-heart and much more rational conversation, she knows we are doing our best to protect her from this mysterious illness, as well as from teenage boys (I left that last part out of the conversation. Shh!). Maybe this year will be like an eyebrow slit decision: upsetting at first but in time will grow back quickly and you will forget it was even there to begin with.
Let’s face it, we know this school year is not ideal. We are all being forced to make decisions we do not want to make. It all comes down to making the best decisions we can for our families. We are all living in day-to-day crisis mode and we are exhausted. No one can predict what the future of this school year will look like. We can’t have all the answers yet because we don’t know all the questions.
So, let’s all be supportive of one another the best we can. Look out for each other. Be nice to one another. Wear our masks. Wash our hands. Social distance. And let’s get this school year on the road.
About Life with Jess & Friends
Jessica Whitehouse, aka Jess, is a lifestyle writer and creator of Life with Jess & Friends. Her mission is to bring lighthearted humor to life situations including family, parenting, relationships, career, and all things in between. For more information, email info@lifewithjessandfriends.com.
